Blissed.

I'm blessed beyond words. Such a perfect boy; such wonderful friends who have supported me through the hardest time in my life. Here I am coming out of the darkness, hours away from my 23rd birthday, and finally feeling the peace and love that is my birthrite. So technically, I lost the court case - it's been ordered that Ro is to be fully vaccinated immediately. My friends are outraged; I'm quietly accepting. So, this is for a reason. I fought it; it didn't go the way I want; but I will cope, Ro will be fine. My time of sobbing and begging and clawing for change are over, and my sanity is returned. I don't have to justify my acceptance of this forced 'decision' to anyone. It's Ro I answer to, Ro who matters. If I can rise every morning with a smile on my face and be lively and attentive and just BE the mother I am to him, then that matters. if I'm holed up in bed weeping, or frantically packing so I can scurry across borders only to be dragged back (minus Rowan) god knows how long later... then that affects Rowan. Running away isn't an option here, and it isnt my destiny either.

I may have not got the outcome I desire from the court case but we will survive. I am the only one coming out of this with any dignity, with my moral code still in tact. And yes, the only one coming out of it with Rowan.

That matters. That's all there is. In my heart, there's only room for love, peace and joy, now. This is my time.