The House of Love

Just found this in my drafts, written about Jewelsie's house where we lived for 14mths <3

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I'm experiencing an overwhelming amount of love just lately. It's no coincidence that this is happening now that I'm manifesting abundance and releasing deep-rooted conditioning and poverty mentality. Easing myself out of these restrictive patterns, I'm experiencing the true nature of the Universe... and doing A Bun Dance to get out of Scare City. Fans of Scott Noelle's 'Daily Groove' will know what I'm on about! I can hardly describe the changes that have taken place since I got my own nest.Gifts appear, help is given, my heart n soul are light and full of bliss, and I frequently feel ecstatic and overflowing with gratitude. A shift has taken place.

My house, a regular terrace from the outside, is my haven, my nest, my home of peace and love and this is reflected in all aspects... not least the free range baby and my style of decorating :) I wanna post pics but I don't know how to, so until I figure it out, I'll describe it... the front door opens to my dining room cum office. It's pretty formal and grand ;) black and red on a cream background with silver detailing, is the theme, with plenty of antiques. I love the opulence and the style of it, from the huge gothic chandelier to the old Chesterfield family heirloom, to the 1940's writing bureau I picked up in a charity shop last week and the shabby chic chair I rescued from a skip last month! There's an open fireplace filled with candles, a large bookcase overspilling with all sorts, and a dining table which is well-dressed! I love eating, sharing meals, inviting people into my space.

Going through an archway and an old pine door is the family room... living room. Closing the door behind me it's the heart of the house, my inner sanctum. Cream walls with plenty of  pictures, wall-mounted candlesticks and pride of place behind the sofa is a large wall hanging in sunset colours showing the Tree of Life (Ygdrasil for the followers of Nordic tradition Paganism). Rowan loves this, especially the squirrels! The large blue squishy sofa with a furry throw in Winter, and floral cushions sits against the back wall. A large rug is a warm playspace for our baby friends (wood flooring is cold on little EC bottoms!), it was beige when we moved in in November, but it is now decorated with berry stains! I've quit while I'm ahead on that one and decided not to be bothered. Far more important that my little bear eats how he is comfortable (not a fan of highchairs and likes to stand while eating). I'd like to get him a small table and chairs but then how would we eat together? I guess I could pull up a beanbag or kneel. He loves the ones at Nursery (Nursery, now there's a whole other post!) so if one crops up in a second hand store I may get it. In the corner of the living room by the window is another large bookcase which houses candles, incense, eclectic ornaments, fiction books and my subwoofer and speakers as I like my bassy wub wub wub :) quickest way to get bear to sleep is the sling him and skank! In another corner is Rowan's Corner! A large framed teddy bear's picnic picture, and several animal posters are on the walls, with a handpainted toybox and some wicker storage boxes housing his many playthings. There's a playmat on the floor for warmth but he often moves it to get at something. He has a lot of books, and these are lined up against the wall so he can choose what he wants to look at. An antique chest holds all our crafts materials and my projects (knitting, mending etc). My mantle piece is a source of beauty to me... on top is a cabinet holding all my crystals, healing jewellery and a few books and cds on the subject. There are two pictures of Rowan and myself, one taken when he was 3mths old at The Mother Magazine Camp in the beautiful hot weather, and another taken at 5 months old in Majorca. There's a silhouette figure of a pregnant lady in a yoga asana, before whom I place crystals and thoughts of my pregnant friends. A Budha figure holds incense (Nag Champa, usually). A wooden carving on open hands reminds me of the abundant nature of the Universe, and I place crystals in it, changing them as needed. Little tumble stones with affirmations scatter across the mantle piece. At the bottom by the fire are several wooden tribal men figures, all picked up at different times in my life. They're there for Rowan to play with which he loves doing, they're the connection to male presence in an otherwise very feminine home, and they're a reminder of my roots and my dream to return to a tribal society. Not just a dream but a call to action...again, another post!

Another old pine door leads through to the kitchen which is small-ish and perfectly formed! It's crammed with written affirmations posted on the cupboards, photographs, plaques, fabric hearts, herb posters, vintage postcards and the like. I love it! The cupbpards are filled with nuts, seeds, dried fruits, superfoods, green powder blends, supplements, raw chocolate, and the fridge is crammed with fresh fruit and veg. A rack sits on top of the cooker (which we rarely use), overflowing with more fresh goods. I have a gorgeous floral blind which I wanted in the flat I shared with Rowan's dad while I was pregnant (who is known as SD for rather childish reasons) but he deemed it too girly and wouldnt buy it. Now, having bought it myself for my own home feels good. I guess it's a very everyday reminder not to put up with crap. "Too girly..." !! My whole house is a celebration of the sacred feminine, and I its earthly form. I'm creating myself, anew. A pink antique cabinet is fixed to the wall, holding my nutrition and recipe books on one shelf, and a sample of my tea-ware on another! I *love* tea pots, cups and saucers... I am a tea-aholic (of the organic herbal variety!) Pride of place in my kitchen are my new Excalibur dehydrator, juicer and blender. We're vegan raw fooders, with over three quarters of our food being in a raw state to preserve vital enzymes and nutrients. I can't see me ever going 100% raw (although we are 100% vegan) as I love brown rice, vegetable stir fries, curries, the very occasional pizza... but I could never go back to cooked in the same way, and we don't eat commercial breads, pasta, junk food. When I'm at my parents' house I binge on crisps and chips and then feel awful afterwards (tired, guilty, snappy). Being in their house does so much to me, the energy is completely different which I always knew but was really highlighted when we moved here, to our House of Love. There is always an underlying tension at my parents' place and it feels like it is 'for show'. Here, I create a beautiful space as a gift to myself and my son, I am serving my gods and goddesses with incense and good food and beautiful music, I am encouraging friends to come and stay...my house feels to me, very much a home. I am creating the life I want, and feel so positive about it, I could burst.

Back through the inner sanctum and dining room and up the stairs, you come to The Womb! Otherwise known as the corridor to the bathroom. Purple paper lanterns cast a soft glow, and wall hangings depict the Budha on one side and the astrological charts on the other. It feels enclosed, soft, warm. It feels healing to me as I can't have had the best in-utero experience, as my mother smoked, drank coffee and ate absolute rubbish from what I can tell (although I can hardly bear to talk to her about it). At birth, I was drugged and dragged out with forceps, into a cot... in a nursery... with a bottle. Rebirthing is something I've been working on for a little while now, certainly since Rowan was born. So this corridor feels strangely healing to me, the Budha reminding me of the peace that is my birth right. And I can claim that now, instead of lingering in the past, wishing.

My bathroom is a place of transformation, with the water and the opportunity to cleanse. Nautical theme, navy and white with red accents. A mobile of sailing ships hangs from the ceiling... white hearts dangle... A white wooden unit on the wall holds candles, crystals, my collection of coloured glass bottles, vintage postcards, and a few toiletries. There's a big old gothic mirror which I love, and two white wicker units, one from my great aunt and one from my nan. I love having family items in my home, a link to my ancestral line and each with a story and gifted with love. The furniture carries that love vibration and raises my energy and that of my house. I am lucky. I am loved.

Back up the womb-like corridor, take a right into mine and Rowan's bedroom. There's a double mattress on the floor, covered in soft cream organic bedding. Bright curtains with lotus flowers on, and the theme continued in the flower pictures on the walls. A plaque with 'Sweet Dreams' written in Cath Kidston style print. The letters L O V E spelt out above the bed. This is the place where Rowan and I cuddle up, dream, breastfeed, sleep, share laughs and love and play. I am so blessed... a bright pink ottoman holds all our bed linen and night clothes, and on top sit Rowan's vast collection of teddy bears, which he adores, and wrestles to the ground in turn, growling. Truly a Ro-Bear!

Into the guest room. I'm about three quarters finished decorating this room, and I love it. The walls are cream, providing the backdrop for a vintage quilt as a wall hanging, and several flower fairy framed pictures. Green painted pine furniture, and an antique mahogany bed gifted from my great aunt. Cream curtains, and cream and dusky rose print bedding with luxurious cushions and a throw. A white paper lantern lamp matches the white paper lantern ceiling light, a theme I've carried throughout the house. This will be my bedroom when Rowan decides he would like our bedroom to himself which will be around 5 years old I should think. I often spend a few hours in the guest room in the evenings (I'm here now) - in bed, on the laptop, reading, enjoying the luxury of having a bed to myself and anticipating the day I share it with my partner (which doesnt feel so far away, the dreams are getting more frequent). This solitude is so necessary for my spirit to heal after all the years of taking and giving such abuse, such unhealthy relationships which bear no relation to the 'love' they purpute to be. I am revelling in a love affair with myself, and with my beautiful, amazing son. Nurturing him is, in itself, healing. I am parenting him in a way which makes my own hurting inner child feel soothed, and although I have trouble setting boundaries and saying no, I am learning to do so now he is nearly one and I feel he can take being told no to some things (e.g. emptying the kitchen cupboards when Ive just tidied) while still vibing him with love. I was told no too much, so it's hard for me to say it - my first instinct is the give him everything. I guess part of me wants to 'make up for' him being an only child in a single parent family. I'm not apologetic about our state, as I know he is more nurtured than the vast majority of kids, and I am proud at the great job I feel I'm doing with few resources and experience! But I am aware that it isnt natural for a child to see one person for most of the day, and try to make up for it by having people round or going out a lot (even though I am a home-bunny by nature and love to potter and nest).

Time to go snuggle up with my bear.

Radiating love and thanks,

The mama!