That'd be...me!
So, my final grades came out for University yesterday and I’m graduating with a 2:1 (honours)! I am SO goddamn relieved… happy, yes, of course, but the overriding feeling is the delicious absence of the knot in my stomach which took root in December. I am very, very depleted since finishing Uni. I’m having to be very kind to myself, replenish myself with lots of herbal tonics and superfoods (spirulina is my alternative to caffeine now I’m back with a boobie baby all day and lovin it!). Klamath blue-green algae is also amazing,… both courtesy of my Personal Angel, Angela <3. even Ro is getting used to most of his food having green sprinkles on! He has a lot of energy these days…waaaaaaaaay more than I think I’ve ever had. He’s a busy little toddler and his sleep has changed from 7pm-8am to….9.30pm-7am. OUCH. Tonight he happily went to bed at 7.30pm though so fingers crossed it’s changing back. Note to self: do NOT let toddler go to all-day barbeque with family, stay up til 10pm ‘as a treat’ the day before Summer Solstice… the two combined WILL fuck up his nice early bedtime routine that we’ve had going on for… well, forever! >_<
The point of this entry is for me to try and figure out how I’m going to nurture myself back to life, what I need to do to be more than ‘just functioning’ and having to take 2hr naps every day with Ro just to feel human. Because of my knackeredness and Ro’s new lack of) sleeping pattern, it looks like my house has been burgled. Repeatedly. It’s as much as I can do to keep it hygienic at the moment, it’s (mostly) clean, but is in no way tidy. Just one of the things I’ve had to let go of temporarily while I recoup strength and restore my adrenal glands. I am so burnt-out… I’ve just finished reading ‘Buddhism for mothers of young children’ by Sarah Napthali and IT IS WONDERFUL. It’s really, really helped me to be kind to myself. So, with that in mind… how would I take care of Rowan, if Rowan were feeling like I am now? Well, I’d honour his needs, absolutely. I would encourage him to nap when he needed, to laugh lots, to be outside lots and to eat gorgeous simple nourishing food. I would take it easy and socialise with friends near-by without going far afield, cos I’m so done with travelling after the last 6 months of commuting hell. Frankly I think it’s really cheeky of people to expect me to travel to see them this summer, after I’ve completely busted my ass for so long, but then I can’t expect people to know or understand if they have not gone through 4hrs of Sunday night train travel every week, the same return journey on a Wednesday, with a heavy rucksack on my back, toddler in sling on front, and carting a suitcase, too. I’ve built up muscles I didn’t know existed! People are going to have to visit us if they want to see us this summer. My grandparents don’t understand why I don’t come and stay at my mum + dad’s every weekend like I have been doing (so they can take ro out and I could do uni work). Why would I want to do that, why bother even moving out if I’m going to make a 1hr trip twice a week to their house??? They live in their own little world of easy car journeys with no screaming toddlers, I cannot expect them to understand.
In 3 weeks’ we’re going to The Mother Camp which entails a 3.5hr coach trip, handily placed in the middle of the day when Ro will normally nap for at least an hour and usually two, so it should be fairly easy really. I’m very much looking forward to camp and seeing the friends I made last year whom I feel so close to. Facebook can indeed be a wonderful thing!! I am on it less these days due to lack of time and energy in the evenings; I prefer it this way. I am woefully behind on email replies, but family has to come first at the moment (well, always!). Makes me wonder how I’m going to have the energy to set up a business from scratch in a few short months, but hopefully by then the superfoods and herbs will have really replenished me. The hot summer sun warms me to my bones and to my soul on a daily basis at the moment… I love it… it does naturally make me more lethargic but it feels so very nourishing, nurturing, loving. This is the first year I’ve not worn sunscreen and I’ve yet to burn. I feel very quiet, introspective, in tune, in love with life, with my beautiful boy. I’m recapturing the essence of what it means to live life in the slow lane and appreciate those everyday funny moments with a lively toddler. I’m very grateful for the experience of finishing Uni, not just for the end result, but for the process, the long hard difficult knackering process, which has made me infinitely stronger. I know now, on a very deep level, that I absolutely am capable of anything. I frequently sat on the train home on a wedesday evening with the baby nursing to sleep, and me tapping away on yet another essay, the sun-lit countryside speeding past out of the window, and I felt so empowered, so appreciative of my brain and my boobs and my whole being, for being the vehicle to completing a dream. I always thought that ‘you make your own luck’ was just a nice little saying by those who didn’t really have romantic notions of fate like I do. Now I know that they are not mutually exclusive concepts. Simply put, if you work your arse off, you can achieve what you want to, even if it’s bloody hard, and even if people are looking askance at you with your boobs out on a train.
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