The Mother camp

We just got back from camp late last night after a 3.5hr coach trip and an hour on the train. Tiring aint the word! Poor bear was so bored he decided to sleep the whole way - woke up at the halfway point to wee and eat a banana and some smoothie then, when he realised we were getting back on the coach, sang himself to sleep in the sling. Bless his little heart. The weekly Lincoln commuting fiasco has left its mark - every time we get on public transport, he conks out, thinking we're going to be on it for hours!!

Camp was lovely. So calm, peaceful, quiet; I found the healing space I have so desperately been needing for so many months. I didn't have very much energy - physical or mental - for socialising which, in a way, was a shame as from the brief conversations with new people I gathered it was an interesting, likeable bunch. I did a bit of networking with a fellow herbalist which was cool, and there was lots of chitchat in the food queues etc. I have just been so very drained recently that I can't give the best of myself. Next year - if I go, and that's a pretty big if - should be a different story, as I won't have been through the mill like I have recently - and hopefully camp won't be on a waning moon again, a fact which most definitely increased my lethargy and desire for solitude. New moon yesterday and today, and I can feel my moon-time approaching, a week overdue, probably stress, or else my cycles going back to normal length - 21 day cycles since 7 weeks postpartum is very tiring, especially when I'm so prone to anaemia (despite diet and supplements - I have some absorption issues...lack of breastfeeding as a kid...). It's day 27 now and it feels very much like it'll be day 1 tomorrow, so here's hoping for a permanent return to 28 day cycles.

What I did get from camp was a lot of direct experience with the plants there. We (my group of Angelas + Petra) were camped next to a Hawthorn hedge which was just bliss... such synchronicity, so the right herb for me at the minute (healing, calming, heart remedy). We went to collect some for a tea as a little ritual to heal the grief a friend was feeling, we added red clover and the tea was so sweet... really opened my heart chakra, instantly, breathing deepened, relaxed me... my friend said she definitely felt better. Later, Rowan was running round with some older kids and I took the opportunity to scurry off and drum. I scrambled right under and into the hawthorn hedge and meditated a little, then drummed. I messed about with some beats for a bit, Rowan and the kids visited for a bit and drummed, which was joyful. Then when they had gone, I asked the hawthorn for a rhythm, and what came was a steady two-beat. I drummed the two-beat with so much love, under the hedge watching the setting sun. It was the heart-beat sound of mama earth and it was so incredibly healing. I came away beaming and just felt an abundance of love and clarity. I had shamanic dreams of the hawthorn bush that night which further deepened the connection and I went to offer thanks and love the next day for the gifts of tea, clarity and healing.

I had a less profound but equally cool experience with the little pixies of red clover; their magenta bobbing heads and cheerful disposition really sorted out a grumpy mood of mine! On the last day (new moon) I was feeling tired, sick, and really irritable. I really needed some solitude and to shake off the grumps before our long journey. I wandered off with the bear in the sling. He slept. I mozied on over the fields until a big lone grand-daddy milk-thistle veritable PULLED me off the path. It definitely wanted my attention! I was told in no uncertain terms not to pick it, but to lay down. I did. This is medicine itself. This interaction with plants blows my mind. We had chats and sorted my head out. It repeated I wasn't to take the physical plant, but to carry the energy and explore it later. Liver stagnation is an ongoing issue for me so this was no surprise, especially at new moon and especially so near my moon time. I thanked the plant and left. My return path took my via a patch of milk-thistles and they nodded at me...I smiled... bent down to touch but was told not to. Fine. Wandered on. I have milk thistle tincture in my medicine cupboard at home but it is shockingly devoid of life force compared to the wild guys in the field their. There's no comparison, really. I must grow and make my own.

Got home to find all my seeds had sprouted despite over-enthusiastic watering by a friend in my absence. Actually had to wring them out and she had been two days before!!! The leaves on my herbs have turned white with the shock. She meant well, though and most of them should survive. They aren't very pleased with me, but I'm picking them out to put in bigger tubs tomorrow (if the bear will allow it) so we can re-connect then and some dryer compost should seal the deal. Sorry guys.

As usual the house is a mess but I kind of don't care at the moment. I don't want to be picking up after Rowan all day when I could be playing with him instead. I'm just trucking along on bare minimum. Still tired and depleted from stress despite the blissful pause that was camp. Wondering if my adrenals will ever really recover from the assault of sleep deprivation, coffee and travel of the last 8 months. Know that I have little energy for starting up a business at the moment, but it has a spirit of its own and is doing its own thing with little input from me, seemingly. It all gets official in Sept/Oct but until then I'm pootling along doing first-aid kits for friends and tending emergency breastfeeding mishaps! Getting some excellent results which is bolstering, and nice for friends, and don't feel the need to expand right this minute. 8 weeks should see all the difference. 8 healing weeks.

Love and light x