I love this pair <3 Posted with permission from the gorgeous mama herself, to educate and inspire. Enjoy.
The Way Nature Intended: Nate’s Birth Story.
I had to fight to get the birth I wanted. Society, family and friends all tried to pressure me into packing hospital bags and telling me the ‘risks’. They thought I was out of my mind for wanting to have a baby at home with no intervention or drugs but to me this was the only way. It got to a point where every time someone asked me if I had packed my hospital bag yet I just smiled politely and nodded. If I had said ‘I’m not going to hospital’ and got the usual panicked look and negativity once more I may have snapped. The majority of people in my life think the norm is to have a baby at hospital, bottle feed, put baby in a cot and to walk around with it in a pushchair and to be honest why wouldn’t they – that’s what society paints as normal! In my eyes none of this made sense, all my mothering instincts screamed at me when I so much thought about these things. Would my baby want to be born in a quiet relaxed atmosphere where everyone was waiting with warm smiles and open arms to greet him, or in a place so bright he could barely open his eyes, where there is shiny metal and loud noises at every turn, and where he couldn’t even get into bed with his mummy and daddy due to fear of infection? I knew what I wanted, and noone was going to try to scare me into doing otherwise. People talked about backup plans and to think about the safety of my baby and not myself, but to me, that’s all I was doing, I was thinking about what was best for my baby. I know my body. And if everyone stopped at listened they would know their own too. There is far too much fear surrounding birth and hopefully my story may take some of that away for a few people.
On the 26th February I woke after a very disturbed night’s sleep. I didn’t feel different, or expect to be giving birth later that day; after all it was 3 weeks until I was ‘due’. I had a normal day, I went shopping and had lunch out with friends, all the while not realising that my little boy was starting his decent into this world.
On reflection the one word I would use to describe the start of my labour is Naive. That’s how I felt, as I just didn’t know that anything was happening. My waters had been breaking since lunch time, but I just thought his head was dropping and pressing my bladder. When my back started to hurt I put it down to my expanding tummy. Then when I started to notice much more movement in my belly at 5.30pm, I knew, he was telling me he was on his way to meet me.
Craig called on the midwife to let her know she needed to head over but to my disappointment she told me I needed to go to the hospital to check I was in fact in labour before she travelled the 10minutes to my house on a Saturday night (someone obviously had better things to do). Needless to say I didn’t move. I wasn’t going to the hospital. There was absolutely no need to. I was safe, so was my baby. So I stayed at home and started my first birthing journey with just me and Craig present.
I laboured the first stage alone, in the bath with some nice calming music. As I had watched and read so many birth stories I expected to be in a moderate amount of pain but it was just uncomfortable, like a bit of belly ache to start with. Within the space of an hour everything had picked up pace and each contraction was a strong tightening feeling across my stomach. At 7pm, the sensations in my stomach had come to a point where I needed to stop and think about each one so we called the midwife back, explained I hadn’t gone to hospital but that Craig had been timing my tightening and they were 5mins apart. I also alerted my best friend and doula, Charlie. She had given me invaluable reading material and support during my entire pregnancy so I had asked her to attend his birth to be my eyes, ears, and voice should I not be in a state to make decisions myself.
Once the first midwife arrived I decided I wanted her to check my cervix (something I had previously not wanted) as I needed to know how much I had progressed. To my astonishment I was 5cm dilated – this was fantastic news! I was half way there! I had Craig run me a fresh bath where I lay perfectly still and silent, when Charlie had arrived labour really begun. She took position next to me as I lay in the bath, cooling me down with a cold compress on my forehead, and giving me water to drink. As each contraction built up she pressed a hot flannel on the very bottom of my back to counter act the pressure (this felt like heaven) I allowed each contraction to engulf me, they took my full concentration so I totally surrendered to them, I didn’t scream or swear, I just found the most comfortable position and tackled each one at a time being constantly reminded by Charlie that with each one my boy was getting close to my arms.
I had decided after half an hour in the bath that I was too hot and needed to get out, I wanted to lie down on the floor; I have no idea why I thought this would be a good idea as the pain was horrendous. It felt so unnatural that I immediately called out to be picked up. I stood with my arms round Charlie as a contraction took over me and it was at this point that I experienced the huge desire to be alone. From deep down inside me I was being told that I had to be alone with only my baby guiding me. I ran off to the bathroom and closed the door. My body took over me from here, I had no control over it, I just let it do exactly what it needed to do.
There was no pain from here on; just huge rushes of energy where I let out deep loan moans. With each one I could feel my body opening wide. I have never felt so powerful in my life. I had no concept of time so couldn’t tell you how long I was in there for (others say about 20mins), I just knew I had a job to do and focused entirely on listening to my boys instructions. After three or four long low grunts I reached down and gently stroked the crown of my beautiful babies head. I called for attention, not for help, but because I had an insane desire to show off, to show them what I had done, sat alone in the quiet of my bathroom. Because I had specified I didn’t want any interventions (including to be told when to push) the midwife grabbed some cushions and towels, took position underneath me and waited. As the final surge ran through me I remember the insane smile I had on my face. Everything just let go and he was here. I had given birth to my beautiful boy completely naturally and exactly the way that I had wanted!!
The hardest part of it all was dealing with the negativity and stress from others trying to persuade me I was a fool for doing it the only way I knew how.
The best choice I ever made was to have Charlie there. Without her I doubt it would have been as easy. I will never ever be able to show my appreciation for what she did for us. She fought along side me to ensure I got what I wanted, she was my eyes and my voice during my labour, but most of all she was our protector, she guarded my space in silence and allowed me to take my journey in the peace and safety she knew I wanted and needed. For this I will be eternally grateful.
I have now seen the light, once my boy was in my arms he opened his eyes and looked deep into my soul. Binding us in love for all eternity.
To have a child is to have your heart wandering round outside your body.
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